Harry Potter Theories
by Katze
Summary: Yes I know those two genre normally comflict, but some thoeries are just for humour's sake and some are really serious. All I have to say is: I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. and r/r please!


Okay these are my bogus theories on what happened before and in the Harry Potter books. If you don't like them tough, I'm not changing them. Contructive critisims are most welcome and gladly accepted (even a "its good" or "its bad and here's why" is helpful). Some of these are just for laughs, and some are serious. And the disclaimer, "I own nothing! Not one single thing! I only have my brain and no one wants that :-P

  
  


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Why Voldemort didn't kill Harry that night when Harry's parents died:

Voldemort and Peter were going to kill all of the Potters. They burst down the door and there was James. "No! Not us!" Screamed James and he was killed. Lily ran out and Voldemort killed her too. And there was Harry sitting on the floor sleeping. "Aww!" Said Voldemort, "He's so adorable! Who's a cutie widdle boy? Who's a cutie widdle boy? You are! Yes you are you cutie widdle Harry-beary!" "Master we must kill him and get away before anyone notices." "But Worm, we can't kill a defenceless little boy like him. Its downright murder." Voldemort said this and then looking at Peter again spoke, "Come on I won't do it, and you don't have enough power." Peter sighed and then said, "Well if you REALLY don't want to get rid of him you could change his memory, flee, and sit around for a few year waiting until he's bigger than you could kill him without bothering your conscious. And you did say you wanted a vacation." Voldemort's face lit up, "Great idea Worm! I don't know what I'd do without you!" So he proceded to change Harry's memeory and then he gave him the scar, just for show. Peter and Voldemort left one feeling great the other feeling really miserable.

  
  


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Why Mrs. Dursley hates her sister and all magic:

When Lily went off to Hogwarts Petunia was not happy, especially when her parents treated her like royalty. But the worst thing was this. In Lily's 7th year she tried to make up with Petunia by setting her up with Remus (neither of them knew at this point that he was a werewolf), Petunia was happy for awhile until by accident she found out. She was furious at Lily and she vowed to always hate magic and everything associated with it. This she passed on to her family. 

  
  


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Why Mrs. Figg never told Harry he was a wizard: (now if you can tell me where in the HP books it says that she is a witch you get a prize (I don't know what the prize is yet :-P )) 

Okay I have two reasons for this one. 

#1 She did talk about Hogwarts every single time, but she modified his memory every time because only his Aunt and Uncle were allowed to tell him. 

#2 She thought that talking about her cats was more important, who wants to talk about stuffy ol' Hogwarts when you could be talking about Fluffy, Mittens, and Princess.

  
  


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Why Draco is such a snot:

When Draco was little his father had a talk with him. "Draco my boy I will now give you some rules to live by. Never ever take food from a Muggle; always be rude to Mudbloods; be true to yourself no matter what happens; if something will boost your self-esteem, get it; always follow Voldemort in your heart, show it when you won't get caught; suck up to teachers whenever you can; the ends don't have to justify the means; bully people, it's a good paying job later on; and last, but not least, if people don't think you are a stuck up snot you aren't following these rules enough."

  
  


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The first thing Neville's Rememberall reminded him of:

When Neville first looked into his Rememberall it reminded him that he had left his PowerPuff Girl underwear lying on his bed for everyone to see. That is why he ran out in such a hurry, and he didn't want anyone to know about his fettish about the PowerPuff Girls.

  
  


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Why the Weasleys are so poor:

In a privete discussion Mr. Weasley confessed the reason for their lack of money, "It started as soon as I started working, I would work and then go to these Muggle things called "bars." It wasn't much back then, just a small drink every other evening, to watch the Muggles. But later it was so fun to watch the Muggles struggle without magic I went ever evening, and then I found these things called "arcades" those were so much more fun." At this Mr. Weasley looked down at his feet, "After work I stopped at the bar and got a drink, then I went to the arcade and played for a long time, I never even took my kids to the arcade. There I told you why we're poor, can I go now?"

  
  


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Why Peter went over to bad guys side and what happened a bit after:

Before Lily went out with James she went out with Peter. They weren't together long, but Peter thought that she liked him so when she left him he sought out Voldemort after Lily and James got married. "Oh, great and powerful Dark Lord, I will be your most faithful servant if you do one thing: Kill the Potters." "Well I was gonna do that anyways, so welcome aboard. Go to my secretary, she'll sign you in." Peter left Voldemort and went to Voldemort's secretary. "Hello sir, your name?" "Peter Pettigrew." "Reason you joined?" "Girlfriend left, I must get revenge." "Oh another one of those. Your nickname?" "Nickname? Why?" "Can't have people telling on us can we?" "I guess not. My nickname is Wormtail." "What can you do?" "Well... I can turn into a rat." "Cool. Welcome you are a member."

  
  


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Would Snape hate Harry if he had been in Slytherin?

Oh of course he would! Just not so vehemently. And he wouldn't take it out on Harry's house just Harry.

  
  


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Why is Voldemort evil?

For this I have tons of answers, so I will only give the ones that are most relevent.

#1 He's not evil he's just misunderstood.

#2 He decided that since he's the heir of Slytherin, and lots of people thought Slytherin was evil, 

he would be evil too.

#3 Everyone shunned him because he was a Parselmouth, so he became evil to take his revenge.

#4 He was just an evil, sheeming, kniving, jerk from the start and he got tired of his facade.

  
  


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Why Charlie didn't play international Quiddich:

Charlie went secretly, so he would have a surprise for everyone. When Charlie went to try out for Quiddich he did do very well. But the reason was this: After all the try outs were done and they were being judged so as to see who would be on the team he overheard some people insulting his family so he went to talk to them, and he got in a big fight. This was brought to the judges attention, and so Charlie didn't get to play.

  
  


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Why Snape's hair is so horribly greesy:

When he was little his hair was discustingly greesy, he didn't like it because everyone made fun of "Serverus' icky greesy hair." So he decided he would be a teacher so he could punish anyone who made fun of his hair. He did become a teacher, and he just loved giving detentions. But something happened, the year after he started teaching his hair stopped being greesy (he didn't know it was because he started using real-poo instead of sham-poo). He had worked so hard to become a teacher so he could punish people and now he didn't have his best reason. So now he

uses a bucket of lard on is hair every morning so that his hair is as greesy as it was before.

  
  


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What happened to Harry's relitives?

Lily's parents had died, of natural causes, a over a year before Harry was born. And James parents were tortured in an attempt to find the Potters. James was an only child, and Lily only had one sister, Petunia.

  
  


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What do you think? I put this up before but it was taken off nearly a month ago. I put in some new ones and put in as many as I could remember from the first one. Read and review and I will be happy!

+__+ Meow 

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